axto: aleetlepinch: I’m so sick of people thinking they can just waltz into my room when I’m obviously listening to music in 4/4. I just wanted to reblog this again because I find it inordinately funny.
jpierrepontcriss: my mom was pulling into a parking space today and she asked “am i relatively straight?” and i said “i think that’s something you need to decide for yourself” and she told me to walk home
the-vashta-nerada: my older sister is getting a law degree but she needs to have extra classes that aren’t related to law to complete it so she’s taking tree climbing 101 as in a class that teaches you how to climb trees let’s talk about the american education system
Imagine Harry Potter was set in Australia.
thedeepestcircleofhell: “Three blokes sitting outside the pub lift their heads as they hear a car engine rumbling, to their disbelief, the iconic 2008 Holden ute flies overhead, nothing but the wooping of the two young boys driving it and AC/DC blasting out of the sound system can be heard.” “You’re a cunt Harry” says Hagrid, Harry looking like a stunned mullet. “Oi nah fuck off mate” replies...
potential-and-difference: prop-215: dazegetbrighter: what if rocks are actually soft but just tense up when we touch them? How stoned are you right now? Was that a fucking pun?
roseisreturning: mermaids don’t have thigh gaps but they can still lure men to their deaths
superlockedhogwartianinthetardis: goddess-of-trickery: awkwardstandinglewiskennedy: Doctor Who: The only show that has inter-species crime fighting lesbians with a pet potato. I wonder what we look like to the outside world Probably saner than the Supernatural fandom.
cockchomp: she wears short skirts i wear short skirts we are sailor soldiers and in the name of the moon we will punish you
kirbyrightbackatya: do you ever see someone with the same name as you and your immediate reaction is just
dorsiasateight: dibs: too-stoned-to-remember: Why do dogs go mental when they see another dog I imagine that in their heads they’re like THAT IS DOG I AM DOG DOG DOG DOG DOG DOG DOG like me and gay people THAT IS ANOTHER GAY I AM A GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY HAHAHA YES
aiclan: nice legs daisy dukes makes a man go noOT NOOT
durbikins: When I die, I want to be buried with sunglasses on and my hands behind my head. So when I deteriorate, I’ll be the chillest skeleton in the graveyard.
chekhov: Today I put my hand in my backpack and felt a stress ball and I was like “oh? I have a stress ball?” and I squeezed it and it was a pear and it exploded and now I’m much more stressed than I was earlier :/
iamhamburglar: jessied181: tltty: what if in school instead of raising our hands we raised our legs When you have a really “good” answer.
rneerkat: thisisnotlogansblog: rneerkat: rneerkat: is there a month between april and june? may be you can’t answer your own jokes “why did the chicken cross the road?” “why” “sorry cant answer my own jokes ur gonna have to find the solution yourself”